Hospitality is suite offer

Judy Bell was running out of options while staying by her husband's side after a horse bruised his spinal cord, paralyzing him from the neck down.
For about a month after the December 2004 accident, Bell and her daughter stayed in different hotels and ate from vending machines, fast-food joints or the hospital. But it became too expensive.

The family is from Farris, which is about three hours from Tulsa in Atoka County. To afford staying with her husband, Bell pared down her meals to one a day.

But housing remained a serious obstacle. She no longer could afford to pay for even the cheapest hotel. She was facing the last resort of sleeping in her car.

"I felt sorrier for my wife and daughter than I did myself," said Bell's husband, Mickey, in a written narrative about his experience.

Overwhelmed, tired and emotionally exhausted, Bell broke down crying in a hospital stairwell.

That day, a hospital volunteer introduced her to a newly formed nonprofit, Hospitality House of Tulsa. The nonprofit was planning to build a center to provide services to out-of-town family members of hospitalized patients.

The group found a fully furnished apartment for Bell less than a mile from the hospital. Family members were able to remain at no cost until Mickey Bell's release in March 2005.

"I believed God would take care of us, and it was so exciting to see that come to a realization," Mickey Bell stated. "We no longer had to worry about financial burdens. Rather, my wife was rested, and she could stay with me."

Hospitality House of Tulsa plans to open its first facility in July, which will offer lodging, meals and other support services.

The center is a seven-unit apartment complex in the 1100 block of South Victor Avenue. Hillcrest Medical Center donated the property in March.
Four units have been remodeled and are in need of furnishings. Three others are being renovated.

Executive Director Toni Moore, who has 15 years of experience in health care, finance and administration, said she always wanted to provide more family services to visiting families.

When Moore was a teenager, her mother received cancer treatment two hours from their home. Moore's husband also went through an emergency surgery requiring a two-week hospital stay more than two hours away.

"You just add that to my faith and understanding of biblical hospitality and what we as a community need to do for people in need who are traveling through," Moore said. "The passion to do something for families of people facing medical crisis is already inside me."

Moore and Brooke Gage, a licensed counselor, spent nearly a year gathering research and preparing a feasibility study. After helping the Bells, the two decided to start with a few housing units and expand.

"We realized the time to do a program was not three or five years down the road, but now," Moore said. "The community is ready to support such a project, and the need is there right now."

With about half of hospitalized patients using Medicare or Medicaid or having no insurance, Moore said it is crucial to offer a safe place with services.

"Those are the family members sleeping in chairs and cars and going without laundry, meals and proper rest," Moore said. "And those are the ones in stress who are having to make decisions with doctors about the medical care of their loved ones.
"It's too serious to leave these people in this situation."

The apartments can house four family members per unit and will have fully stocked kitchens and laundry rooms. The nonprofit is seeking furnishings including towels, kitchen appliances, beds and living room furniture.

"It will be homelike," Moore said. "It will not look, feel or appear in any way like a hospital room or hotel room."

Other services include prepared evening meals, health education and emotional and spiritual support.
"Many people, when faced with a crisis, turn to spiritual issues, and they need something during that time," Moore said.

The apartments are expected to serve about 150 families a year. About 25,000 families travel to Tulsa each year to support a hospitalized family member.

"Seven units is a drop in the bucket, but it's a start," Moore said. "About 20 rooms is what we needed to make a dent in 25,000 visiting families.
"Once we get the facility up and running and prove the value to patients and families and how it can turn their lives around, we will begin the planning stage for a new facility."

Volunteer opportunities and lists of needed items to finish the units are on the nonprofit's Web site at www.tulsahospitalityhouse.org.

Hospitality House of Tulsa facts
1. More than 25,000 families travel to Tulsa each year for inpatient hospital stays.
2. Of those, about 20,000 come from between 50 and 100 miles away; 3,000 travel from 101 to 150 miles; about 500 come from 151 to 200 miles away, and about 1,500 travel more than 200 miles.
3. The average stay in a Tulsa hospital is 3.5 to 4 days.
4. Nearly 50 percent of patients in Tulsa hospitals are uninsured or qualify for Medicare or Medicaid.
5. A hospitality house in Tulsa can expect to serve families from 27 states and at least six foreign countries, but most will be from Oklahoma, Kansas, Arkansas, Texas and Missouri.
Source: A Hospitality House of Tulsa patient feasibility study and the National Association of Hospital Hospitality Houses

Toni Moore, president of Hospitality House of Tulsa, says the nonprofit plans to open its first facility in July in the 1100 block of South Victor Avenue. The seven-unit center will offer lodging, meals and other support services to out-of-town family members of hospitalized patients.

(MIKE SIMONS / Tulsa World
GINNIE GRAHAM World Staff Writer
04/10/2006)

How many of you travel for business or leisure on a regular basis?

Imagine if you will that you are on a vacation with your significant other and that he or she becomes very ill and must be hospitalized. What do YOU do? Where do YOU stay?

This happened to me in November, 2004. My husband had been hospitalized twice during the summer and I seized the opportunity for us to get away for a stress-free weekend to experience fall foliage. I had won a free weekend to Gatlinburg, TN at a meetings industry event and I was looking forward to a romantic weekend. The morning after we arrived, my husband had a terrible headache and I drove him to the ER in a nearby hospital in Sevierville. He was diagnosed with a burst blood vessel in the brain and he was rushed by ambulance to Fort Sanders Regional Hospital in Knoxville, where he immediately operated on. I returned to Gatlinburg to check out of the hotel and drove to Knoxville to be with him. The operation was successful and I slept on a recliner in the waiting room for several days. Fortunately, there were showers for family members as well as coffee and I slept in my clothes when I was not in the room with him.

I only knew 1 person in Knoxville, Laura Baron, a professional speaker who had spoken at a conference that I organized in 1992. Otherwise, I was completely on my own. The physicians couldn't tell me how long my husband would remain in the hospital and told me to take it "1 day at a time".

That's quite difficult for someone who is accustomed to being in control and planning long range. What does a meeting planner do when she's in a strange city? Take a site inspection of hotels and convention center! I contacted the Knoxville Convention & Visitors Bureau to take a site inspection and was fortunate that Tracy O'Connor, a sales rep, met me at the hospital. When Tracy heard my plight, she immediately called her aunt, Sarah Whitley, Executive Director of the Fellowship Center to check availability of space for me. In Knoxville, the Hospitality House is referred to as the Fellowship Center. I was familiar with Ronald McDonald Houses but I had never heard of Hospitality Houses for out-of-town families of patients.

At my children's insistence, I had checked into the nearest hotel, a Day's Inn located about a 15 minute walk from the hospital. Several days later, there was an early morning fire and the hotel closed down indefinitely. Fortunately, I got a telephone call from Sarah telling me that room had opened up for me.

It's difficult to explain what Fellowship Center or Hospitality House has meant to me. My husband remained in the ICU in Knoxville for nearly 5 months and he was not well enough to be transferred by Medivac. I commuted between Knoxville and Charlotte, returning home to pay bills and review correspondence before rushing back to Knoxville to be with him.
The services provided by Sarah and her staff, as well as the volunteers, was a Godsend that helped me endure the challenges that my family and I were confronted with.
1st, they offered me an apartment to stay in with a kitchen where I could prepare light meals.
2nd, they had a washing machine and dryer which enabled me to do my laundry without searching for a launderette.
3rd, they had a pantry with donated groceries that I could select from for meals,
4th, volunteers prepared and served lunch 3 days a week.
5th, they offered fellowship, hence the name, with other people who were undergoing similar challenges.

I am not used to taking charity; I'm used to giving to others. The emotional support during challenging times helped give me the strength to motivate and inspire my husband to improve each day. I was able to personalize my husband for the medical staff so he wasn't just a patient in a bed. I hung photographs and motivational sayings on the walls and ceiling above his head. We had a dream catcher hanging above him and a mezuzah on the door of his room. The 2 chaplains who attended lunch regularly at Fellowship Center dropped by to pray with my husband. It didn't matter that they were Christian and we were Jewish. We wanted to cover all of our bases.

I wanted to repay the hospitality that total strangers gave to me in a time of need. I watched a local television program requesting nominations for the top 25 Afro-Americans in Knoxville and I nominated Reggie Butler, one of the chaplains. He was selected and articles in the newspaper identified him as working with Fellowship Center.

The one person that I knew in Knoxville, Laura Baron, invited me to dinner and she had no knowledge at all of Hospitality Houses. She got her church involved to volunteer and provide food.

I started attending services at Congregation Heska Amuna the 1st week that my husband was hospitalized. No one in the congregation had ever heard of Fellowship Center or knew what hospitality houses were. Several women visited me in my quarters and began donating meals for the group lunches.

I wrote an article in the bi-monthly newsletter for Meeting Professionals International Carolinas Chapter about how important hospitality houses are for people in similar situations that I was in. I made a vow that when my husband left the hospital that I would repay the generosity by volunteering for Hospitality House of Charlotte and the International organization.

My husband was well enough to be transferred to CMC Main on March 31, nearly 5 months after he was hospitalized and then to Carolinas Specialty Hospital and finally CMC Mercy Hospital. I toured the 2 hospitality houses here which provided accommodations for family members. While sitting in the waiting room, I chatted with other family members and informed them of the services provided by Hospitality House that they were unaware of.

Hospitality Houses do amazing work and there are many ties to the hospitality industry. They run mini-hotels, after all. Some are not even so mini! I often collected hotel soaps, shampoos, etc to bring to Fellowship Center so Sarah would have supplies for guests with no disposable income (due to medical bills) or for those with no time to even shop for sundries.

I have become an advocate for the importance of Hospitality Houses and the need for greater recognition within the hospitality industry. I am delighted to have Helen Schirazi, the President of Hospitality Sales Marketing Association International Carolina Chapter with us. We will have a meeting next month to select a charity for our annual fundraiser and I am urging our board to select Hospitality House.

The International board of Hospitality Houses will be meeting in Charlotte in June and I have offered to assist them on their international meeting as my way of giving back for all that I have received.

My husband passed away on October 16 because his body just gave out but I am grateful for the phenomenal medical care that he received at Fort Sanders Regional Hospital in Knoxville and Carolinas Medical Center.

I am thankful for the incredible support that I received from the Fellowship Center which helped give me the strength to encourage my husband for the 1st 5 months of his hospitalization. I requested that anyone wishing to make a donation in his memory donate to Hospitality House to help other families in need.

I have no doubt that everything possible was done to help him and that gives me enormous comfort.

I have no regret that I put my business on hold so that I could spend as much time as possible with him. He was a very special person, my soul-mate, a cherished husband and father and I was fortunate to have him in my life.

This has been a tough week because we would have celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary a week ago today. Instead, I shared the day with friends who were a source of strength to me.

Today, I celebrate my 11th anniversary since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I thank God for my blessings.

Now is my turn to reach out to people who share my plight and help them by supporting the new Hospitality House being built in Charlotte
Thank you for allowing me to share my experiences with you today.